How To Know It’s The right Time To Sleep Train

“Don’t Wait. The Time Will Never Be Just Right.” Tony Robbins

When I came across this quote, the first thing that popped in my mind was how it relates to the families trying to determine if it is the right time to start sleep training. As humans, we are always waiting for that “perfect” time to start our dream business, have a family, start a new adventure, or even teach healthy sleep foundations for our children.  We are constantly waiting for this “perfect” time even though we all know that it may just not exist. 

With sleep training, it is very important to know that the “right” time to start is going to look very different for every individual or family.

If we keep on waiting for that “perfect” time, we may as well wait forever! 

First, let’s start off by discussing what sleep training actually is and some of the false perceptions about the sleep training process. 

I asked parents what comes to their mind when they would hear the term “sleep training,” and here are a variety of answers I received: 

1. Leaving your child alone to fall asleep

2. Necessary

3. Dangerous

4. Teaching self-soothing or independent sleep skills

5. Dropping night feeds

6. Teaching child to sleep through the night

7. Helping families and children get the sleep they need

You may also have heard a variety of terms for sleep training:

Sleep Coaching, Sleep Supporting, and Sleep Shaping

All different ways to say the same thing! 

What is Sleep Training?

• Educating on healthy sleep habits and safe sleep practices.

• Giving the tools to promote independent sleep.

• Looking at the whole puzzle, not just one piece.

  • Biological appropriate schedules for both bedtime and naps.

  • Does your child have a bedtime routine?

  • What sleep associations (both negative and positive) does your child use for onset of sleep?

  • The sleep environment.

    • The particular sleep approach you use during training that works for your family.

      Extinction, Timed-Checks, Chair Method, Reverse Sleep Wave, Pick Up Pick Down

Sleep Training is like a puzzle. You need put all the individual pieces together to get the end result!

What is NOT Sleep Training?

• Letting your baby cry alone all night.

• Having to get rid of all night feedings.

• Only about your baby falling asleep ALONE at bedtime.

• Most importantly, having your baby fall asleep during times that fit around your schedule.

There is more to sleep training than the methods

Now that we have discussed a little about what is and what is not sleep training, let me mention a few scenarios where it might be appropriate to wait to start the sleep training process: 

• Baby is under 4 months of age.

• If there are any big family changes or events coming up, such as vacations or a big move.

• If your child is sick and/or in the middle of a known big developmental milestone, it may be best to wait.

• Have any scheduled vaccinations coming up.

• Parents are not emotionally or mentally ready.

• Not all caregivers are currently on board. 

Even though there are specific scenarios where it might be best to wait to do any sleep training, you still want to be careful not to fall into the excuse trap:

“We are having another baby and think we should just wait, since there’s already going to be lots of changes for him/her,”

“I think they might be in the middle of a regression so we should wait,”

 “They are teething right now…” 

I am not trying to undermine these reasons because they can be legit reasons to delay, HOWEVER, reasons such as these can turn into excuses and prevent you from actually moving forward on getting your child the rest he/she needs. There’s always going to be a regression, or a developmental milestone, babies can be teething for months. If you keep waiting for that “perfect” time, it may just never get here.

Ask yourself: Are you just making excuses on why you are delaying sleep training or is it truly not the right time?

So the big question here is…when is the right time to start sleep training?

• Some professionals will say wait until 6 months, others will advise as early as 2 months (don’t recommend).

• I usually recommend waiting until about 4 months adjusted age. Why?

  • 4 months is when sleep patterns start reorganizing and become more adult-like. 

  • This is when baby’s sleep becomes lighter and there are more opportunities for wake-ups. 

    • Because babies become more alert during sleep cycles, if there are external sleep associations in place, such as rocking or feeding to sleep, they will become more aware of them not being there when they partially awake between cycles.

  • By 4 months we can be certain that the child has self-soothing capabilities. 

  4 Months is when we can start official sleep training but can start creating healthy sleep habits from birth!

  • If you have an older child such as a toddler or preschooler, you can still sleep train! 4 months is just the minimum age I recommend starting. It is never too early to start creating healthy sleep habits for your children!

• A child has developed sleeping disruptions that are not only affecting their own sleep but the whole family’s

  Common Struggles:

  • Bedtime taking too long

  • Early morning risings

  • Waking up multiple times throughout the night outside of feedings

  • Needs external help to fall asleep -> no self-soothing skills

  • Short naps

• Your child has their own sleeping space or family is ready to move them to their own sleeping space.

• You are ready for change, ready to commit, and ready to stay consistent through the sleep training process. Usually when I don’t see success or a family’s sleep goals achieved, it’s not because it doesn’t work, but because the caregivers thought they were ready. Once things got tough, they stopped.

  Change, Consistency, Commitment = Success

  • Questions to ask yourself:

    • Are you ready to make a change?

    • Have you decided on a plan?

    • Have you decided what soothing techniques you want to use or get rid of?

    • Are you willing to make changes to your baby’s sleep schedule, sleeping environment, etc. if needed?

    • Are you going to try sleep training on your own or seek outside support?

    • Are you ready to be consistent with the direction you choose?

    • Is your child going to be sleeping in their own sleeping space?

If you are currently at a point where you know something has to change and you’re exhausted, your child’s exhausted, the whole family is exhausted, NOW is the time to start! 

When it comes to sleep deprivation, the longer you don’t do anything, the more sleep debt your child accumulates. For example, let’s say your child is 6 months and is still waking up multiple times throughout the night, wakes up super early in the morning, and takes very short or no naps! They are overtired and have accumulated a major sleep debt. You have thought about sleep training to get your child’s sleep back on track but decide to wait. You think or have been told that they will eventually grow out of it or they are teething, etc. Fast forward 6 months and he/she is STILL having multiple night wakings, super early morning wakes, and/or short naps. Think about how much sleep debt they have accumulated now! 

Reminder:

Deciding to do some kind of sleep training is a big family decision and is not for everyone. But if you are considering it and your child has any major sleep struggles, starting sooner rather than later is key. This will help make the process move much faster and in the end will be easier! Having a sleep consultant beside you cheering you on, being an accountability partner can be a game changer in reaching your sleep goals for your child. Consistency is vital in the training process becoming a success!

Let me be the one to help you achieve your child’s and family’s sleep goals!

Click here to schedule a free 15-minute Discovery Call!

Hi! I’m Jessie. Your Infant & Toddler Sleep Consultant! Click Below To Learn More.

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